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Mar. 17th, 2009 @ 11:54 pm I am.
This is a poem I wrote a while back, I forgot about it until I saw it posted on a wall at FRIENDS Way where I wrote it.


I am who I am.
I wish I knew who that was.
I want to be myself.
I love.
I struggle with my past.
I understand that I won't understand.
I hate the mystery.
I miss the innocence.
I am not them.
I try to be.
I dream of life.
I believe I can do anything.
I am who I am.
About this Entry
Jan. 19th, 2009 @ 10:42 am Wisdom What?
So I got my wisdom teeth removed last Thursday, the 15th. It was getting better, but now I have the most excruciating pain I have ever felt. Im thinking I have dry socket, which happens with about 20% of wisdom teeth removals. This is my fifth day. I have eaten only apple sauce, jell-o, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and soy ice cream for five days. The whole right side of my head kills. I can't hear out of my ear. I am going back to the surgeon today. In about two hours. Too long. I hope they can do something to end this pain.

I was supposed to move back into my dorm yesterday, but it was snowing and I was starting to feel worse. I also missed the holiday bowling party at work last night, I stopped in, but stayed for less than a minute.

Hopefully I will move back into my dorm today. If I feel up to it. I have bunch of stuff I need to bring back. And Jill and I need to get rid of the extra furniture in the room.

Oh and people are douche bags for calling me a wimp when I am explaining how severe my pain is.
Especially when they have never experienced any pain remotely like the kind I am dealing with.
Uncalled for.
About this Entry
Jan. 7th, 2009 @ 11:01 pm (no subject)
2009. Not a fan.

this sums it up for today.

"Suddenly the whole world seems to be against you -- but of course it isn't really. You're just feeling overwhelmed, and when you do that, you tend to get a bit over-dramatic. Try to chill a bit."

I'm miserable.
About this Entry
Jan. 1st, 2009 @ 12:00 pm What A Year...
January 1, 2009. Two thousand nine. Can you believe it? Where has the time gone? Looking back on 2008, I realize it was one of my better years, if not the best.
Lets recap.


JANUARY 2008.

-I came into the New Year once again with Al; I decided I wanted a friendship with him, if nothing else. Half-hour into the New Year - he kissed me, and everything I did to keep myself from liking him disappeared. He was on leave from the army, and left a few days later.
-Not wanting to deal with the hassle of having a date, Jenelle and I decided to go to our senior year Winter Ball alone. It was fun, but by the end of the night we were both on our cell phones.


FEBRUARY 2008.

-Jenelle and I flew to Texas to go visit Zach and Al, with Zach's mom. That was my first time flying anywhere without a family member. The trip was a lot of fun, although I wish I could've seen Al more. We went to the Human Body Exhibit, a wax museum, and out to dinner. We saw the Alamo. The worst part was when I had to leave. We were only there for 4 nights.
-I met my future roommate, Alyssa on Facebook.


MARCH 2008.

-Seana's 18th!
-I decided to attend the University of Rhode Island in the fall.
-I worked on the high school's production of 'After Juliet' as set decorator? I also took lots of pictures.


APRIL 2008.

-April Vacation


MAY 2008.

-Senior Ball on the 9th, I went with Nick from work. Our "limo" was a mini van, which was the farthest thing from a limo. Jenelle went with Bobby from her work, and Brittany went with her boyfriend Will, and Danielle had the last minute date of Ray. I have never danced so much in my life. I had a blast.
-I was inducted into the Rhode Island Honor Society.
-Gala for Friends Way, where more of my photographs were auctioned off, and my note cards were sold. I also ran into my friend Alix, who I had met working on a 48 hour film project in 2007. She happened to be singing at the event.
-Jenelle, Dalex, and I all had breakfast with Hobin, the principal of the high school. This was our prize for our costumes coming in 5th place for 'The Hunt' back in October 2007. We were Tetris pieces.
-The 28th was our Senior Super. Our last opportunity to all be together before graduation. I liked this event very much, for the fact that it was just OUR class, underclassmen were not allowed. We received our caps and gowns, our yearbooks among other things. I was strange and exciting at the same time.


JUNE 2008.

-Dalex and I were in charge of decorating for the Drama Banquet. We managed to get there ten minutes before people showed up. We rushed around to make the place look presentable. And we succeeded. I showed a slide show of all of my pictures taken of the productions over the years as the band played.
-Seana flew in to come to Graduation.
-June 10th was class day, where we paraded around the school in our caps and gowns and the Juniors officially became the Seniors of Coventry High School.
-June 11th was Jenelle's 18th birthday, as well as our Graduation rehearsal at the University of Rhode Island Ryan Center. After rehearsal Aseel helped me navigate around campus to find the VA office so I could get some things straightened out for the fall.
-June 12, 2008, was my Graduation from Coventry High School. What an amazing feeling. Graduating, everything I had done, had led up to that moment where I got to walk across the stage and proclaimed that I could do it, that I was successful. No more high school. I miss it though. I miss the people, my friends.
-June 14th was my graduation party, I didn't have a huge amount of people show up, but it was still fun. The next day was Jenelle's.
-Al flew home for a couple weeks.
-June 19th and 20th I was at URI for Orientation. It was terrible. I didn't really fit in with anyone. I hated sleeping on the top bunk; I felt as if I'd crash to the floor in the middle of the night and crack my head open. There wasn't any cell phone service in my room, and to top it all off, I was stuck at URI while Al was home, in the state.
-My cousin John had his graduation party
-Audition for Brotherhood (didn't get the part)


JULY 2008.

-Plain White T's Concert with Seana in Newport. One word: TEENIES! I was jealous of the mom in front of me reading Eclipse.
-July 14th flew to Miami to board the Norwegian Sky for a four-night cruise. We went to three islands in the Bahamas. The staff accidentally delivered a birthday cake to our room, two days early. There was a restaurant manager working on the boat from Turkey, his name was Zach and he was my favorite person on the ship. He custom made food that I could eat, since I'm allergic to Dairy.
-July 15th (Al's Birthday). The first stop of the cruise was Freeport, which was very stormy and rainy. We took a tour bus around the island, where I fell asleep.
-July 16th was my 18th birthday. I started it off by singing karaoke for the first time in a little club on board. The cruise ship was docked at Grand Bahama Island, which is where I've always wanted to go ever since I watched the movie 'Holiday In The Sun' We took a taxi to Atlantis Paradise resort where I was able to legally gamble for the first time. After that we went on a boat to a small island where I had a dolphin encounter with Shawn (: he was lovely, and gave me kisses on my birthday. We decided to go eat at one of the more expensive places on the ship for my birthday dinner. The staff was awful and didn't know what they were talking about and told me I food didn't have dairy in it, when it in fact did. We should've stuck with Zach; he would have taken care of me.
-July 17th, the ship was docked at NCL's own Private Island. I went snorkeling, that was absolutely the most incredible experience, and I loved it. I could see everything.
-Friday, July 18th we woke up back in Miami. We packed everything up, and left for the airport.
-That night began the 48 Hour film project. I got home from the airport, took a shower, got dressed and headed to the Cranston office to work on some Ideas for our film. Our genre was political drama, we needed to use a pear, the line of dialogue 'if you see him again, tell me', and the character Monica or Monte Chaney - hairstylist. I ended up leaving and going home to sleep, and headed back in the morning.
-That Saturday I went back to the office, and we wrapped up a script and began scouting for locations. Our story was based of the true events of Patti Smith, an Oregon state representative who lobbied for the European Pear to become the state fruit. We got really lucky with this story line. I found a pear farm in Cranston and headed over there to see if they would allow us to film on the farm. The gentleman there was very nice, he didn’t completely understand the concept of our project, but he gave us the green light to film on his property. That day was one of the hottest days of the year. We spent the whole day filming, until the morning.
-Sunday was insane. Apparently the two editors fell asleep before the footage finished logging. That set us back substantially. And to top it all off, the girl who was doing the editing had no idea what she was doing, so our final product wasn’t what it could’ve been. Once it was completed, we took the hard drive and risked our lives by speeding to get it to the Hilton Garden Inn. We got it in on time, unlike last year when we were four minutes late.
-Later that night, I went to see The Dark Knight with TJ and Ben. I was so exhausted from the events of the past week, than I managed to fall asleep in between the two of them. I was a little upset, but I couldn’t even pretend to keep my eyes open.
-The next day was the Panera trip to Six Flags. Like I needed any more excitement? I went with Yawei, Brandon, and Simone. We somehow got lost on the way there. I went on an upside down with Yawei… that was priceless… I love her. We didn’t stay too long, we weren’t really in the mood for that much excitement, and Brandon needed to get back to bake overnight.
-I had a day to rest, then went to Warped Tour with Des! That was insane. There were tornado warnings, it was raining, and there was lighting… INSANE. It got to the point where they had to shop all of the shows. We were soaked, absolutely drenched. We ran into Alex and Jacki and camped out in Alex’s car while the storm passed. I saw a lot of great bands. And I also met Angels and Airwaves – minus Tom since he was sick. They were the last to play on the main stage, but at that point the weather had gotten awful. And Des and I just wanted out.
-The next day we had the 48 Hour Film Screening where our film ‘HJR 8’ was officially shown.
-Sometime that week we had our above ground pool installed! Wonderful.
-That Saturday I was hired to take photographs of Coventry High School’s Class of 1988 20th Reunion. A couple of my teachers recommended me. It was my first paying photography gig. I felt awkward the whole time I was there, like I was invading their space. But the pay was worth it.
-I went to the movies with Matt to go see Step Brothers then later that night I drove to Boston to go stay in a hotel to work on a movie in the morning. I stayed with Anthony and Nick in their hotel suite. It was lovely.
-The movie was called ‘Tricks of a Woman’ I played an Extra at a Fashion show. Getting there was a thrill. I drove around for over an hour trying to find a parking spot. Not realizing that there was a relatively cheap parking garage located across the street from the set. I ended up parking on top of a bus station somewhere. And walked my way to set. Anthony’s step dad brought me out later to try to find somewhere where I could get something I could eat, since catering had dairy infested products, and seafood. Gross. We had such a hard time finding a place. We eventually found a Panera in the middle of the city, but they were closed. I don’t think I ended up eating that night. I had a pretty exhausting couple of weeks. I drove home that night.
-I went out to eat with Jonny at Chili’s. Before we headed off to school.


AUGUST 2008.

-My graduation present from Jenelle was tickets to go see the Producers on August 7th. It was Jenelle, Zach, Matt, and I. The weather was terrible if I remember correctly.
-The Best of Providence 48 Hour Screening was on August 10th. ‘HJR 8’ won two awards! Best Screenplay, and Best Use of Prop – Thematic. I was so proud to be apart of that team. Which was relatively small.
-August 17th was the Paramore, Jack’s Mannequin, and Phantom Planet show at Providence Piers. I went with Brittany. Amazing show. I’ve wanted to see JM for a while.
-August 22nd was the Boys Like Girls and Good Charlotte concert at Lupo’s. I went with Des before she left for France. Metro Station was a major disappointment, I love their CD but they were not so hot live. Seeing Good Charlotte again made me fall in love with them all over again. I used to be a GC fanatic when I was in middle school during my punk phase. Yeah, punk phase… Funny.
-Wednesday the 27th I woke up at 4:30 AM to go pick up Matt and drive to New Haven, Connecticut so we could catch a train to New York City. We went specifically to go see ‘Spring Awakening’; we waited in the TKTS line to get cheap tickets. Once we had our tickets we wondered the city for a bit, got some Jamba Juice. We eventually took at taxi and ended up at the Super Hero Museum at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Seeing Spring Awakening was absolutely incredible. I’m obsessed. I’ve never really been a huge fan of musicals, but the music in this show is brilliant. The acting was unbelievably powerful. I want to go back and see it again. After the show, we got more Jamba Juice and headed back to the train station. We grabbed some food and hopped on a train. We were so tired from walking around the City all day. Matt slept on the way home from New Haven.
-Saturday August 30th, I moved into my dorm room at URI. I met my roommates Alyssa and Jill and we rearranged the room to make the best use of the space. We had the greatest room. We had everything you could ever need. Move in day was exhausting. I was nervous and excited at the same time.
-That Sunday Jill, Alyssa and I went shopping for some more things for our dorm now that we knew what we had to work with. The three of us got along really well. It seemed like we’d known each other for a while, when we had only met the day before. We bought a goldfish named Herman.


SEPTEMBER 2008.

-September 3rd was the first day of classes for the semester. My first class was General Nutrition. Oh man. Followed by Intro to Mass Media and Intro to Film.
-September 7th Jill and I went to go see comedian Jeff Dunham at The Ryan Center on campus. He uses puppets throughout his acts.
-I worked at the Pawtucket Film Festival one night because my Film professor made a joke about how you’d get extra credit if you went to see his film ‘You Must Be This Tall: The Story of Rocky Point Park’ at the Pawtucket Festival. Since I worked it last year, I figured I’d go that night and say hello to my professor. I told him in class that I was going; he probably thought that was weird… But once he saw that I actually knew the people running it really well… that changed.
-Railey’s 6th Birthday Party.
-Herman the goldfish had an accident. (RIP) So I bought three more fishes named Herman Junior, Hermione, and Hermosa.


OCTOBER 2008.

-I decided to transfer to the Panera Bread in Wakefield for convenience. It is closer to school. They run things so differently there. It’s a lot slower. I missed everyone from East Greenwich, so much that I transferred back.
-I joined the Student Entertainment Committee: Concert Section. I loved the idea of the club. I wanted to join something on campus to meet more people. But I started to get scheduled to work on the nights of the meeting, and it only lasted for a couple weeks.
-Jill’s Birthday, Alyssa and I got her the Twilight Calendar. She left her cell phone at Applebee’s.
-Flame of Hope Water Fire in Providence. Bad Idea. I took Matt with me, since it was his last weekend in Rhode Island before moving to New York for school. We were on the highway exit ramp for about an hour. It was ridiculous. We had no choice; I needed to pick up Jill and her friend who had spent about 8 hours roaming around Providence Place Mall. We walked around the Water Fire for a while. It was so romantic. Matt and I decided that we weren’t the people we’d want to be with for something so romantic, but we were the next best things.
-October 14th I went with my mom to go see Lisa Williams at PPAC. She is a medium and clairvoyant, what an incredible experience. I was nervous and upset all day leading up to it.
-Saw Small Tragedy at School.
-Friday October 24th, I flew to Georgia to go see Al. That was my first time ever flying by myself. Before I left I stopped at his house where his dad had hot wieners that I brought with m. Al picked me up from the airport. He greeted me with a motorcycle helmet as a joke. He actually had his friend Banner’s car. It took about 40 minutes to get back to the base. I got in at 11:30 PM, so I was pretty tired. I had a lot of fun just getting to spend time with Al. One of his friends had his motorcycle stolen. I gave Banner a shot. We went to a house party and I met a lot of the people Al works with. They loved me. I got to play Rock Band with all of the kids.
-My flight was supposed to leave that Monday night, but I received a phone call saying that my flight was delayed and that would cause me to miss my connecting flight in North Carolina. I had to reschedule my flight for Tuesday morning. We had to wake up at 4:30. I didn’t want to leave. Al sat with me at the airport for as long as he could, until I had to go through security.


NOVEMBER 2008.

-Election Day. I voted =)
-After voting I went and bought myself the new MacBook Pro at Providence Place. Buying this thing was a pain in my ass. I had debit card issues, ATM issues. I had more than enough money, but there were limits on how much you could spend within a 24-hour period. The guy at the Apple store was very patient with me as I called the bank, and wandered the mall in search of an ATM. He ended up giving me a dollar from his pocket just so I could get it. Then I forgot about the dollar I needed for parking. Somehow I had one in a wallet in my car. I love my MacBook Pro very much.
-I went back to Coventry High to take pictures of their production of ‘Grease’. I went to a few dress rehearsals and the opening night performance with Seana.
-After the show we drove to Boston to try to get in line to get a chance to meet Robert Pattinson. We got there around 11 PM and they had already given out 500 wristbands. Rob wasn’t even signing until 6 PM the next day. Ridiculous. We found out there was a question and answer session at 7 PM after the signing. We ended up sleeping in the mall parking garage. We woke up at 6 AM and found a Panera to hang out in. They have free WIFI and food that I know I can eat, and they’re insane and are open that early. We spent about four hours there. Then went back to the mall, and camped out waiting for Rob. We were in the mall by 10 – 11 AM and never went back to the car until 8 – 9 PM. Horrible experience. I have never seen that many obsessed human beings in one place. I have never head that many screaming voices in my life. Oh well, it was an experience. Not sure if it was totally worth it. But I can say I did it. God Damn Teenies.
-I spent hours upon hours trying to find good classes for next semester.
-For my URI 101 class we had to do a service-learning project. Since we are all film majors we promoted a film, and attended it. It was a documentary called ‘Lost In Woonsocket’ I thought it’d be boring as hell, but it was great, really inspiring and real raw emotions.
-Seana and I went to the midnight showing of Twilight. Again, TEENIES. Aghh. The movie was independent and I feel as though there was too much hype, and it wasn’t the best it could have been. The acting wasn’t terrible, I just don’t feel like the characters were developed enough. And you could tell it was low budget compared to what it should have been.
-I went and saw ‘Oklahoma!’ at school. It was cool because I knew a lot of people in the cast. It was especially great to see Shannon and Miles.
-Thanksgiving. Enough said.


DECEMBER 2008.

-My Theatre 100 performance was called ‘Cut’. I was the business manager for the show. I controlled the lights in the house. I also designed and printed the posters and programs. The theatre department gave me $40 to get everything printed. Somehow the money fell out of my pocket so I had to use my own money for everything and then pay them they rest. I was pissed. I hated that class with a passion.
-I’ve been working as Post Production Supervisor for ‘HJR 8’. I basically make sure that things are getting done on the film.
-I successfully completed my first semester of college with a 3.0 GPA. I was a little worried there for a while with two of my classes, But managed to pass them both.
-I sold one of my textbooks back for $1.
-Al came home. I went with him, his brother, niece, and nephew to Providence Place so the kids could go to Build-A-Bear Workshop. I spent a lot of time with Al this time. It was nice.
-Christmas Eve I went to My Aunts house in Mystic to be with my Dad’s side of the family.
-Christmas Day I wasn’t feeling too well.
-December 26th I went with Jenelle to go see Stephen Kellogg & The Sixers in Cambridge, MA. It was probably the best concert I’ve ever been to. They were incredible as always. I managed to record almost every song in it’s entirety. My favorites were ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ and ‘Milwaukee’ which is my favorite song ever, and they performed it right next to me.
-On December 30th, I had work then we had Christmas at my house. My Grammy, Uncle Ernie, Erin and Roselyn came over as well as Al. I had a great time. There was red whine spilt on the couch, brownies and cookies sprawled on the floor… We couldn’t stop laughing.
-New Years Eve. We had a snow storm. I went over Zach’s house to see Al late that night. I got there twenty minutes of. Then just stayed at Al’s.



What a year. I enjoyed it thoroughly.
About this Entry
Jul. 22nd, 2008 @ 02:56 pm (no subject)
CANCER daily horoscope
Tuesday, July 22

Whatever you're up to right now, you should find it to be 11 times more fun than you had thought it would be. That big party is extra crazy, that yard work is weirdly compelling and you can't stop grinning!


I'm getting an above ground pool this week and there are currently two guys in the back yard digging a trench for the electrical wires. strange. And today I was completely surprised when the doorbell rang and there was a man standing there with a huge vase of flowers. And now I can't stop grinning. creepy huh?
About this Entry
Jun. 5th, 2008 @ 03:29 pm The Close of Another Chapter
My Horoscope Today:

"It's the best possible day to start something new -- especially if it feels as if you're at loose ends. The new beginning leads somewhere that's almost overwhelmingly positive for you!"

Today was my last day of High School. I never need to go back in that building again. (except for class day Tuesday) After four long years... it's about time. I've changed so much. Looking back it doesn't even feel like the same school. I'm the first to admit - I will miss it. I'll miss seeing my friends everyday. I know I'll keep in touch with those I see outside of school but I'll most likely never see half of these people again. It's still so weird. I can't imagine not going to Coventry High. On the other hand I happy to be where I am right now. All of the hard work has led me to where I am now. I never thought I'd be here. Graduating always seemed like something other people got to do, it always seemed so far ahead. A week from today I'll be walking the stage at the Ryan Center at URI - which is also where I will be going to school next year. It's a time for change, and new beginnings. I'm excited.

I stayed after to help Aseel with the Senior slide show. And we some how ended up with dippin dots? I also got my hair cut today. And Seana flew in at 4 - I picked her up from the airport.

good day.
About this Entry
Mar. 14th, 2008 @ 04:37 pm (no subject)
cancer
(6/22 - 7/22)

daily horoscope
Friday, March 14

After the past few days, you're feeling kind of overwhelmed. You're dealing with too many people who have too many needs. You're only one person. How can you absorb everyone's stuff? Don't overdo it.


This is very true to me.  I'm having a hard time dealing with some things. So I decided to call out of work tonight and just spend my time relaxing.
About this Entry
Jan. 7th, 2008 @ 04:07 pm (no subject)
i stayed home today, because i've been to overwhelmed lately.
school. midterms. auditions. work. dad's birthday. new year. christmas. room. one of my best friends training for the army.

and this is my freakishly right horoscope...



cancer

(6/22 - 7/22)

daily horoscope
Monday, January 7

You are feeling pretty sedate right now, and would rather hang out at home or with one good friend than mix it up at a big party. It's a good time to take care of little things before they get big.
About this Entry
Jan. 3rd, 2008 @ 11:01 pm Amen.


cancer
(6/22 - 7/22)

daily horoscope
Thursday, January 3

There's a lot going on in that big, old heart of yours right now, but you can tell it's all for the best. It's a good time to commit yourself to experiencing this directly instead of trying to brush it off.


______________________________________________________________


I miss you.
About this Entry
Dec. 15th, 2007 @ 09:03 pm (no subject)
So it has been over half a year since I've updated.  I only am updating now because I am extremely bored out of my mind.  Today is my day off work, I even requested it off.  I was hoping to be doing something a little bit more exciting.  My life has been... insane - to say the least.  I don't know where to begin.  I work at Panera Bread. I have been working there for four months now. I like it, and I like the people I work with. Some days...
There's a whole other aspect of my life that just became a hell of a lot more complicated.  I thought someone was out of my life forever.  But now - it looks like we could be friends for a long time.
Who knows.
Another thing... I'm stressing out about college and what I want to do with my life. I want to do what makes me happy. But I don't want to starve, and be unable to support myself.
I have faith in myself and my talents.

I can't wait to graduate.
I'll miss my friends a lot, but Senior year is completely pointless to me. I don't need most of my classes to graduate and the ones that I do need are too easy that I don't have any motivation to do the work.

I am enjoying myself.  I was cast in the Fall play: I Hate Hamlet.
the cast was only six people. I played a psychic New York real estate agent.
it was a blast.

Maybe I'll update more... 
About this Entry
May. 29th, 2007 @ 10:45 pm (no subject)


five years ago.
five years ago this day... my life was fine.
I was just a sixth grade girl.
BUT. Five years ago today was when my life changed forever.
my best friend, my dad passed away.
It happened sometime during the day, but
the official date is marked as tomorrow's date.

It's been a hard struggle for me.
It's hard to find people to talk to.
sure I can talk and say stuff to anyone, but only a select few of them
take the time to listen.
Even with my closest friends I have difficulty talking about this with them.
I NEED to talk about it. I can't let myself forget about him.
I know it's impossible for anyone to understand unless they've been
through what I've been through. I get that. And I can't get upset for people
not knowing how to react.
But what happened is a part of who I am.
He is a part of me.
Always will be.

I'm glad I have the few people in my life who have taken the time to try and help me.
I thank them for that.
The worst part of life is dealing with the death of a loved one.
Although it's not the end of YOUR life.
There are people out there who you can talk to.

It's not over.
If anything live in honor of them.
About this Entry
May. 27th, 2007 @ 07:57 pm (no subject)
what the eff you see kay
I have nobody. sure i have friends but do any of them get me?
I feel so alone lately.
I miss my dad. It will be five years since he passed on tuesday/wednesday.
i have sats on saturday. haven't started studying.
tomorrow i will start filming my drama movie.
lets hope things go well with that. i'm pretty worried.
i never see my best friends.
one lives in florida. and the other has a life.
and she doesnt give me rides anymore
since i have my own car.
I just want so much for this school year to be over.
I want my life to be back exactly the way it was a few months ago.
I had finally found a legitimate amount of happiness.
I don't know what I did to screw that up.
actually, I didn't do a thing wrong.
people just don't get me.
i'm all too often misunderstood.
About this Entry
May. 19th, 2007 @ 03:47 pm (no subject)
Crazy past week. Last Saturday I went to Johnston and test drove a car that I fell in love with.  We put down some money to hold it. A little later I went with Jenelle for her Capstone Project to the Tomaquag Museum, which is a memorial museum that maintains a collection of Native American artifacts from across the continent. We went for her Capstone which is to raise Native American awareness. It was pretty  interesting.  There were only seven of us there. We planted corn and it was just really cool to see how another culture lives. Later that day I hung out with Ben for a little bit. Then Sunday was mother's day and I ended up sleeping in really late. And then we went to Outback Steakhouse. Monday.... uhm... Oh! I went to the gym. Tuesday's when it gets interesting. first off the weather was supposed to be really warm and nice - so I wore a short sleeve shirt and a long skirt. IT WAS FREEZING ALL FRICKIN DAY. anyway, after school my mom picked me up, and as I was bringing her back to work Anthony (director of Sleather) calls me and asked if I could give him a ride to set in Providence.  I had nothing to do anymore - so I took him there and stayed for a little bit - they were filming a horror movie. I left there around 3:30 and went to go pick my mom up from work. The traffic was terrible on the highway. After I got my mom from work, we went back to Johnston to pick up my car :) It was beautiful - I was so happy. I drove it home then left a few minutes later to go to Panera Bread then to Friends Way. I didn't get home til about 9. We also had a dumpster delivered to my house that day...The next morning I picked Jenelle up for school for once. She was dressed as an Indian... again, this was for her Capstone. It felt so good to be able to drive myself to and from school - that night I went to the gym. uhm Thursday wasn't too exciting I just went to bed at eight. Yesterday I worked on my film for drama with Brian and Dalex - they came here and we actually got some stuff done. We have to have the script completely done by tomorrow so we can have Anthony look at it for us. Last night I went to the movies with Brittany and we saw 28 Weeks Later. I never say 28 Days Later so I really didn't know what to expect. I wasn't expecting to like it very much - but actually it wasn't that bad - it had a really interesting story line to it and great camera moves. It was pretty disgusting and disturbing at some points though.
Haven't done anything too exciting today.
Tomorrow there's no Sleather shoot so... I'll be working on the script and some other stuff for school.
Tuesday I probably won't be going to school to work on the movie "27 Dresses" Staring Katherine Heigl from Grey's Anatomy. it's filming in Rhode Island. Apparently the scene takes place at a wedding in the 80s.

I really liked this picture of Jenelle, Zach and I from the museum: 


And this is my car :)

About this Entry
May. 10th, 2007 @ 05:04 pm (no subject)
Today was nice :)
I love how it's finally getting nice out. this morning in drama was 'richard simmons day' - you had to be there to understand. then i had algebra, didn't really do much there. then english we had a 'poetry cafe' where we read poetry ate stuff... played music. then PE we had to walk in the scorching heat. well the school year's almost over. thank god. this has been a terrible year. i guess it could have been a lot worse. but still - i'm STILL trying to catch up with everything i missed when i had mono. i could go into complete detail why this has been a bad year, but i won't. the one good thing i can say is that I DID complete my capstone with an A+. even while being out of school. there have been other good things that have happened to me but they get ripped away just as fast as they came.
sigh.
Life.
About this Entry
May. 7th, 2007 @ 10:17 pm (no subject)
I wrote this poem for school last week. I was writing from the shoes of a guy with narcissism, someone who only cares about fufilling their own needs. We read a bunch of stuff about The Virginia Tech shootings, so I basically wrote this from the point of view of a guy who'd do something like that.


If only you could understand.
Understand what I feel, What I've been through.
Lonliness consumes my everyday.
Making it so I have nothing to say.
But it's the complete opposite.
Millions of thoughts
I only think of myself
What would it be like having her dead in my arms?
The power
The great satisfaction of fufilling my needs.
An emotional high.
They want me to stop, but why?
Who cares about them
It's only me, me and my thoughts
my sick twisted, wonderful thoughts.
If only you could understand.
But who cares about you anyway.
About this Entry
May. 6th, 2007 @ 10:30 pm (no subject)
oh yeah - and OBSESSIVE?!
what the hell?
as far as I know - when you care about someone you show it.
apparently you weren't used to that.
About this Entry
May. 6th, 2007 @ 08:29 pm (no subject)
this past week has been interesting...
well last Saturday/Sunday was the whole gala and over night Sleather thing.
then Monday ended with getting completely drenched in the ymca parking lot - from a water bottle.
Tuesday went and hung out with Alex, Brian, and Danielle to 'work' on our movie for drama - but that didn't work out too well. we were just goofing off the whole time. and played janga. it was fun though. Then Friends Way.
Wednesday - went to this Indian Museum with Jenelle for her Capstone project, then I went to the gym.
Thursday, came home and slept  then left home at ten to head to the movies to go see Spider-Man 3 at the midnight showing. I loved the movie, thought it was great.
Friday I went with jenelle to zach's house and we flipped over everything in his room. from chairs, to books, to dvds, to hampers, and we put everything everywhere. there were boxers hanging from the fan. it was amazing. he got home a couple hours after that and was cracking up apparently. it was so worth it. then later that night I babysat my mom's friend's twin daughters. I watched the movie Twitches with them.
Saturday I didn't do much. went to Staples... OH applied for a job at EG Photo, went to BJs...
Today I went to the gym early. then tried going to staples they were closed.went to dunkin donuts. went home took shower. went back to staples picked up a picture i had blown up. then went back home picked up my mom. then she brought me to the director of sleather's house.  i was there for a little bit then we all split into little groups a went looking for shooting locations. I went with the director, Anthony and his fiance Keri. we went to Panera bread first and ate, then went to this resturant that closed down to see if we could possibly shoot there. then we went to a house that we shot at before to ask if we could use it again. after i was done with sleather stuff - jenelle came and picked me up and we went and dropped something off at zach's parked car at work. I came back here. changed back into my gym clothes. got to the ymca played some basketball, then went for a walk through the camp. It was so weird because we went to Summer camp there years ago - everything's the same but everything looks smaller and the walks are shorter than I remember. we went to upper pond, and the stage where i first starting acting... and we just talked about everything - I mean everything.


Then later tonight....

$#@!

Tomorrow's going to be better - I can only imagine it as...
&^%$ !!@#$%+|
About this Entry
Apr. 29th, 2007 @ 10:40 pm wow
wow, what a weekend.
Saturday morning went to the YMCA with Jenelle. & people were annoying and kept talking to me.
Saturday night I had to go to a Gala at the Hyatt Hotel in Newport for an organization I go to for people who have lost a loved one - 'Friends Way' (Families Reaching Into Each New Day). I've been going for four and a half years and they have helped me in so many ways. Anyway, the Gala Saturday night was to raise money for the organization. There were 350 people there. Everyone was in beautiful dresses and tuxes. They had a silent auction for people to bid on stuff. I had three pieces of my photography auctioned off. Two of them went for $200! and another for $130! I was shocked! People kept going back to bid higher. I couldn't believe that so many people were willing to pay good money to have a photograph taken by a sixteen year old, it was an incredible feeling.
One of my first facilitators bid $200 on one of my photos when the highest bid was $85. She won it , and I had also mentioned how East Greenwich Photography studio had a gift certificate in the silent auction and she bid on that and won it for me! So I could get new headshots. I am so thankful to her for believing in me. :)
I also put together a PowerPoint presentation of photos of loved ones who have passed away and also some more of my photography and graphics I've made. Everyone loved that too, I was amazed at the amount of compliments I received. It was a great night. There was also a photographer there from East Greenwich Photography and he was talking to one of my facilitators now, looking for me so he could take my picture with two other girls from my group and my facilitator said that I was out checking on how my photos were doing in the auction, she asked him if he saw them and he said he did and that they were very good and asked if I wanted a job!
I didn't find out about this conversation until after the photographer left, but I have his information. I would love to get a job as a photographer, and I'm also going to try to start selling my photos. Now that I know people are willing to pay great money for them.
I got there around 5:30 PM, and left after 11:00 PM.
There was also a Sleather Shoot at Bernies that started at 9:00 PM until 10:00 AM- I wasn't going to go because of the Gala but the director Anthony called me and told me to still go once I got out of the gala. Jenelle was going to come too - but instead we picked her up and she came here and we talked for a little bit then Zach came and picked her up. I got to set around 12:30 AM. I was exhausted. And there really wasn't anything for me to do. They still hadn't even gotten the first shot it by the time I got there. The good thing about doing an overnight shoot in Bernies is that there a tons and tons of really comfortable Serta beds. And nice recliner chairs. I slept on the most amazing bed ever. And then I heard I was sleeping in awkward positions in a recliner. I had fun even though I didn't do much for the movie - I mean honestly how many people do you know that stay over night in a store and sleep on mattresses and not get yelled at for it. I didn't get home until 10 AM. Then I didn't crash until 1PM - then woke up around 8 PM. Now I think I'm going to head back to sleep.

These are my three photos that we auctioned off:


me, with two other girls from my group:
About this Entry
Apr. 27th, 2007 @ 10:49 pm (no subject)
can we just pretend the month of april never happened?
About this Entry
Apr. 27th, 2007 @ 09:45 pm (no subject)
this is killing me.
About this Entry
Apr. 27th, 2007 @ 04:16 pm (no subject)
i really thinks he hates me.
and i have no idea what to do.
this hurts so much.
:'(
About this Entry
Apr. 6th, 2007 @ 11:45 am horoscope
So on CosmoGIRL.com they have horoscopes and they are usually ALWAYS right.
And yesterday's and today's couldn't be more true to my life.

cancer
Thursday, April 5th 2007
April 5, 2007
daily horoscope


You are going through some big emotional business right now and will almost certainly feel the need to slow down so you can process it all. You should get all the time you need.


cancer
Friday, April 6
daily horoscope


Try to take things slowly today, as you are going to want to think things through all the way before signing on for sure. By late afternoon you should feel a lot more certain about your place in the world.
About this Entry
Apr. 6th, 2007 @ 09:50 am (no subject)
I wish it could be like before.
About this Entry
Apr. 5th, 2007 @ 11:55 pm (no subject)
PROM:


my favorite picture, ever.
About this Entry
Mar. 31st, 2007 @ 03:51 pm (no subject)
I'm at a low point. I haven't been this low in a long time.
I'm depressed. This has been the worst week I've had in a while. First off - the tragedy of Andrew Coit's death has had a huge impact on me. Like I said I never really hung out with him or anything - but he was still my friend. & there definitely was something completely unique about him. I've always said that. None of my best friends knew him so this whole things been hard on me to cope with. Last night was the wake. That was terrible. It didn't look like him at all so it's still hard for me to believe what happened. Today was the funeral - it was very nice - I loved the speeches everyone gave and the music. My favorite thing though was how they had a video that he started to make. something to always remember him by. He's such a goof! :)
I say that I'm depressed because I've been depressed for the past five years since my dad passed away. And this brings back all of the terrible memories.

I've been mistreating my friends and having random breakdowns and I'm truly sorry for that. I'm sorry to put you through that.

On wednesday I got into a car accident by rear ending this woman. It wasn't that bad - I just bumped her. I thought I was completely stopped - I looked out the window and just rolled right into her. I had to call the cops :/ Then later that day I bought my prom dress. Then went to get a spray tan and it got all messed up and streaky on my arms and it was very orange! so Al called me a creamsicle :/

Then the next day everyone noticed. aha. so that sucked also - I have to wear long sleeves until it goes away.

Yesterday jenelle and I were heading here and I was showing her where I had gotten into that accident. I said "this is where it happened, there were a lot of people stopped - just like this , and I was going this slow... then I just hit the car in front of me..." As I said this I was visualizing the car infront of us hitting the car in front of it. At that split second IT DID. It ended up being a three car crash. O-> O-> O
That was pretty creepy.

Last night Al and I went to the providence place mall to meet Jenelle and Zach - Once we got there I felt like I couldn't do anything I wanted to do. I felt really upset. And I just walked away from them a few times. I can't even begin to describe how I was feeling inside. Just upset.

And now I feel like someone's avoiding me.
and it's bugging the hell out of me.
I could say so much more but I'm a mess and I'll end up hurting more people than I need to.
About this Entry
Mar. 26th, 2007 @ 07:37 pm Hurt.
It hurts. Life. Hurts. Although I think it's the good kind of hurt. The kind of hurt that reminds us we're alive. And the kind of hurt that can only come from passion and caring. No one really understands the way life works. Or the way the world works. It can be cruel and mysterious and yet it’s the greatest thing we’ll ever experience. To help me understand - I try to believe that everything happens for a reason. We don't always know at the time what that reason is - but as time goes on the picture becomes clearer.
Sometimes it doesn't matter how many friends you have - you just feel alone in the world. Everyone feels alone at one point or another.

We will never understand how someone with such potential as Andrew Coit had his life taken so soon. He had everything going for him. It may not have always been this way – but he took control and changed his life for the better. He found the joy and excitement in the little things – this is something we should all take from Andrew – although his time with us was limited we have gained great strength from his passion for everything.

When I first met Andrew I knew there was something special about him. I could never really figure out quite what it was. He had great talent with an equal amount of passion for acting and his music. But still there was something about him. Today, I think I’ve discovered what was so special. Andrew Coit was a Living Angel.

Andrew Coit didn’t care who you were.
Or what others thought of you.
He treated everyone equally.

Andrew Coit had a way of making everyone around him smile.
He just had this random goofiness about him
But when it was time to be serious he was.

I didn’t get the chance to know him that well – but for the memories I do have – I am thankful.

All day today I’ve been hearing stories about little things he’s done for other people. And that’s Andrew – That’s what he does.

That’s what he was doing - Paying tribute to his friend. He was doing the right thing and helping others. And he gets his life stolen for that.

Perhaps it was his time to go.
It’s not fair that he will never be able to see his son grow up.
But – now that he’s passed there will always be a part of him in the world. And certainly anyone who knew him will make sure he’s not forgotten.


I'm happy to see that the photos I've taken of Andrew are being put to good use in the news, newspaper, t shirts, posters around the school; I even saw one on the Americas Most Wanted website. If I never got mono - I would have never taken any of those pictures. Again - this is why I believe everything happens for a reason.

I miss my dad everyday and its times like these that make it a lot harder. But my life could be a whole lot worse. And I'm going to live my life in memory of My Dad and Also in memory of Andrew.

Here's a link to all of the pictures I've taken of Footloose and The Passage
About this Entry
Feb. 7th, 2007 @ 11:03 pm (no subject)
i'm getting sick again. 
:/
but oh well I guess
I can't really be missing anymore school. 
today was mine and Al's one month :)
and I also got my actual license in the mail today. 
been coughing non stop. 
sucks. 
but now i don't have to take the bus anymore 
(at least in the morning)
because jenelle just got her license and she has 
a car... unlike me. 

hopefully I'll get one soon. 

i have an audition in boston on friday that I'm pretty nervous about
i just don't want to lose my voice before then.

I have to do my gimungous spanish midterm tomorrow. 
so i have to get going. 
About this Entry
Jan. 28th, 2007 @ 03:03 am (no subject)
Winter Ball was amazing.
that was my favorite school dance.
a lot of fun.
:)












my favorite :




About this Entry
Jan. 26th, 2007 @ 05:43 pm (no subject)
so this week has been pretty interesting
Monday I presented my Capstone and I found out yesterday I scored an A+ on the whole thing!
I'm so happy about that :) you have no idea how good that feels - especially since I missed 33 days of school and I pulled it off.
And today has been so nerve wracking... this morning I had my road test. and I passed that with a 93! so now I have my license.
And tonight is Winter Ball so Jenelle and I went and got our hair done and stuff. then after that Jenelle went home so I drove home by myself and that was so scary. well not scary but different.
now I'm sitting here in my dress.
waiting for Al, Jenelle and Zach to come
tonight's going to be fun!

well i'll update at some point!
About this Entry
Jan. 23rd, 2007 @ 05:02 pm (no subject)
wtf.
About this Entry
Jan. 23rd, 2007 @ 12:18 am (no subject)
I'm effing done with my Capstone Project!
I don't know what my grade is but I'm pretty sure I passed.

finally I'm done with this!
last night I went to sleep at 6am. woke up at 7 to go to school
because i was working on my capstone for so long.

you have no idea how happy i am to be done with it.
2.5 years of working on it.
ugh.
:)
:)

three days til the license.
[gulp - i hope]

random long phone conversations are what keeps me somewhat sane.
"oh my god, fruity pebbles are where it's at. I want fruity pebbles."
"i like my arm, it does nice stuff for me. if I didn't have an arm I wouldn't be able to high-five anyone. can you imagine doing that with nubs?"
About this Entry
Jan. 21st, 2007 @ 09:39 pm (no subject)
i haven't updated in almost a month. And so much has happened since then. I've been feeling better. But with going back to school I've become more stressed with trying to catch up with everything. But the good news is I have an amazing boyfriend who is always there for me. That's another new thing that's happened within the past month. Al. Thank you so much. I would be such a mess without you.

let me think of some random things that have happened since I last updated.
-didn't make it into the spring play. that sucks but I kinda knew that was going to happen. I didn't feel so great at the auditions. and I sucked.
-Seana went back to Florida :/
& i haven't been able to talk to her much.
-the phone call lifetime on my phone is currently 201 hours 50 minutes 34 seconds.
and it was 131 hours on Christmas day. 70 hrs. yeah.
-had beautiful flowers delivered to me at school :) for no special reason.
-built a bear
-couldn't go see wicked
-school closed down for two days
-bought a dress for winter ball
-had my pillow freeze
-went to a movie, stayed for 20 minutes fell asleep in theater then got the money back
-had noodles thrown at me
-attempted to beat up a punching bag
-drove on highway
-drooled on someone

Tomorrow I am presenting my Capstone project! I'm not ready and my Capstone teacher said she's inviting the principal to my presentation. That makes me so much more nervous. she already showed him and the middle school principal my portfolio. she's like yours is going to be so good! which is sad if you think about it, since i missed half of the semester.
I've been working like crazy to get this thing done. I'm so nervous.
wish me luck.

I cannot wait until Friday.
One - I get my license :) [hopefully]
Two - Winter Ball :)
About this Entry
Dec. 30th, 2006 @ 09:27 am (no subject)
I am in the Holiday Inn Express in Cambridge, Mass. with Seana and my mom.
Last night we went to go see Stephen Kellogg and The Sixers. It was amazing. I love those guys.
That didn't get over til 12:30 ish and we left at about 1.
I woke up at 7:30 :/
[i am currently standing in the elevator][big bang][big bang again]
[now im at the counter where the breakfast stuff is] [being told to sit at table]
[at table]

anyway, I already came down earlier to get some food. so my mom and Seana are eating now.

I have a memorable quote from Seana "I need to go spray perfume in the hallway, so i don't look ridiculous."
hahhahaha
(I'm allowed to laugh now, right?)

We have to go back home. So we can head back out to Connecticut for another concert.
well I'm getting some funky looks sitting here with my laptop :)
So I'll update more later...
About this Entry
Dec. 29th, 2006 @ 01:34 pm (no subject)
Tuesday I went to the Providence Place with Seana, we shopped for a bit. Then went to go see We Are Marshall which was very good. After that, we went back to shopping. We became tired - wanted to go home - hungry - but we didn't want to walk back to the third floor - so we went to Joe's American Bar and Grill (? i think that's what it's called.) Food was great. Tuesday was fun.
Wednesday I went to the Warwick Mall with Jenelle and Seana. We didn't really do much shopping. It was too crowded. blah blah.
Thursday I did absolutely nothing woke up around 2:30 and stayed home all day. I still have some mono-ness in me. :/
Anyway, Jenelle's coming over in a little bit to hang. and then around six-ish Seana's coming over. Then Seana, my mom, and I are going to Cambridge, Massachusetts to go see Stephen Kellogg and The Sixers. It's a late concert too - it starts at 10. and we are actually staying over night at a hotel near there. Then tomorrow. Seana and I are going with her dad to Hartford Connecticut to go see the Jonas Brothers. lol I don't listen to them but I'm going to support Seana and her obsession - which I guess is fair, because she doesn't really listen to Stephen Kellogg and The Sixers. & we are staying in Hartford tomorrow night. we are coming back Sunday then I guess Seana is just hanging out here for new years eve. nothing big.
Monday [insert creative nickname here] is coming over. [that is if i give him my address] haha
Then Tuesday it's back to school - AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
but after that I get to go out with [insert creative nickname here].

:]
so I'm happy.
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Dec. 28th, 2006 @ 09:50 pm (no subject)
I get it.
It all makes sense!
Everything happens for a reason.


wow.
About this Entry
Dec. 26th, 2006 @ 01:30 am (no subject)
so i just randomly re-read all of my past journal entries. Today(yesterday) was Christmas. I was finally able to give my mom the calendar I made her, and she almost cried then she insisted on bringing it everywhere we went today to show people. everyone seemed to love it. =)
I didn't get much sleep the night before. so I've been tired all day. still am, yet I'm up after one writing a livejournal entry. smart.
anyway, i was happy to receive adobe Photoshop CS2. I can't wait to know how to do everything with that. yeah...
SEANA'S COMING OVER TOMORROW (aka Today) haven't seen here since the end of June/beginning of July. we're going to Providence Place to blow all of our Christmas money... well at least that's my plan.

muwhahhaha. [lightning]

I'm actually starting to feel a little better. Still tired, but feeling better. Tiredness is a result of me not being able to fall asleep until after 4 every night. I don't know what it is but I can't fall asleep. Still have a ton on my mind.

I'm going back to school next week for good.
.:: GULP ::.
wicked scared about that.
Please let me pass!
and auditions for The Spring Play are soon. nervous about that, I want to make it in so bad - just so I can have a second chance to perform.

If I kept typing I'd probably stop making sense soon.
So I'm going to try to get some rest.

Merry Christmas everyone!
and Happy Sweet Sixteen Steph! (today-26th)

P.S. - I should probably try and refrain from using the parentheses indicating the days I'm referring to. Gets a bit confusing. maybe it's just me. oh well.

:)
About this Entry
Dec. 20th, 2006 @ 03:37 am (no subject)
I'm so so so tired.
but there's so much on my mind and it won't shut up!
I tried going to sleep around 10:30.
I was able to get out of the house today and go hang out at the mall with Jenelle for a little bit. & it was way too much excitement for one day.
First off, we went there to Christmas shop - but uhm we couldn't resist American Eagle :)
hung out in there for a good hour(?) Betsy was working.
then Andrew came to the mall to say hi, which was cool because I haven't seen him in the longest time.
Jenelle & I were supposed to go to Providence Place with a couple guys Jenelle knows but we ended up going to warwick, and they were on their way to Providence and hit a coyote on the highway and i guess it exploaded? ew.
so they ended up coming to warwick to hang with us for a little bit.
let me tell you a trip to the mall wipes you out when you have mono.
I was ready to pass out when I got home.
but I talked to Seana for a little.
then Bed.
BUT!
that didn't work.
I'm so stressed. Getting out of the house was nice but there's still so much going on... yet so little going on in my life.
Christmas is stressful for the average person, but it's harder when you've lost a loved one because the holidays are a time to be with family.
and today was the first time i did any shopping at all.

anyway got up from attempting to sleep and worked on some homework - ew.
then wrapped tons of presents and hid them in my room shh.
then worked on a present for (insert name here). muwahah

...see i'm tired.
like anyone really reads this anyway.



ineedacar.

:)
About this Entry
Dec. 12th, 2006 @ 07:56 am (no subject)
something is wrong. I don't know what. But I've been up all night.
and I have that feeling again. so I'm worried.
the last time I couldn't sleep and I had that feeling someone in my family died that day.
I know this sounds completely insane. But it scares me. I hate that I'm exhausted and I cannot sleep.
About this Entry
Dec. 11th, 2006 @ 02:23 pm (no subject)
been out of school 21 days so far because of mono.
how the heck am I going to pass?
I don't even know when I'm going back.
& I want my life back.
I want to be somewhat happy again.
not stressed.
About this Entry
Dec. 8th, 2006 @ 08:48 am (no subject)
how is it that i manage to get myself into the most awkward situations?
ah this sucks :/
and there's nothing i can do.
About this Entry
Dec. 5th, 2006 @ 09:56 pm (no subject)
I haven't written in a while. probably because I don't really know what to say after that last entry. Anyway...
Still have mono. It's been about three months now. Been out of school November 2-20. I went back to school on the 21st - which was terrible. Didn't go the next day. Then it was Thanksgiving. eh.  It was alright I guess. I feel stuck, like the whole world keeps moving, but I'm stuck here being sick.  Anyway I didnt go to school the following monday, went on tuesday the 28th, and thursday the 29th. Then my mom finally took me back to the doctor that day and she said that she doesn't want me back in school.  She gave me a note that just says that I can't return to school at this time - no date to go back... so I don't know when I'm going back.  I had to get an ultra-sound of my spleen. but I think that's fine... it just hurts sometimes. I'm just always tired and weak. ahh. 
I'm getting so sick of my room. I was able to get out on sunday though, to go get a christmas tree... but that took so much out of me. I'm still sore from it. just from walking around. 
Later that night I went to a casting call for this movie called "Driver's ED"  It's being done by the same people who I did "Anything for Love" with back in 2004.  I tried for the lead role... but who knows...
I got to see some people I haven't seen in a while :) so that was good.
That was nice to get out of the house and do what i love. but i felt like crap the whole time.
52 days until I get my license
i've been having driver's training and it's pretty creepy. not the driving so much... but the guy is weird. yeah. 
gulp. I have it again tomorrow for the last time, but it's with some other dude thank god.
You have no idea how badly I want to go back to school. I want to be able to do my work without being stressed. 
About this Entry
Nov. 19th, 2006 @ 06:09 pm (no subject)
I envy those people who don't realize how serious life is.
Everything can be taken away from you in an instant.
You never know which day could be you last.
I don't think people understand this until they've suffered the loss of a loved one, which is a terrible way to learn. You wish you could go back and say things, or you wish there was a way to do everything over.
you think you can talk to someone about it, but they don't understand.
and it's not their fault they don't understand. They are the lucky ones who weren't forced to grow up early in life. They're the ones who haven’t had to deal with the loss of a loved one.
It's not something you can get over. It’s impossible and anyone who says otherwise has no idea what they're talking about.
I'm rambling, but I don't care.
I hate holidays. They're nice when you get to see your family, but it's never the same if one of the most important people in your life was ripped away from you. And these holidays bring back memories of the time when you were just a kid with out a care in the world... Everything was perfect.
 
I'm not saying that I'm the only person with problems. I'm definitely not. And I know there are people out there who absolutely have it much worse than I do. This is why I am thankful for what I do have, and the memories that I have.
I'm just not emotionally stable to deal with anymore heartache, and when something happens I just can't hold it in.
 
This morning I found out one of my cousins was killed in a car accident.
I never really got to know him. And that hurts. He's my family and I barely knew anything about him. And now he's gone.
I know to most people these are just words but this is someone’s son, someone’s brother, someone’s grandson, someone’s nephew, someone’s cousin, someone’s boyfriend, someone’s friend.
 
Imagine if something like this happened to your family, or anyone else in your life.
Don’t ever take anyone in your life for granted.
 
Love is probably the most powerful thing you can give. Show it.   
 
I miss my dad everyday and I don't think people realize I do.
I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I just want people to understand why I do some of the things I do.
my heart goes out to everyone and anyone who has ever dealt with the loss of a loved one. It's probably the worst thing that can happen to someone.
 
There aren't many ways for people to realize how short life really is.
Some people are just too oblivious and say 'oh, that'd never happen to me'
When in all reality, you never know.



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Nov. 17th, 2006 @ 04:27 am just a little update...
Okay, it's four AM and I am here because...? why? I have no idea. I'm so tired but I have so much on my mind, especially with school. I haven't been since Halloween and I have so much work to do. I'm overwhelmed. I guess I've been sick for about the past two months. I've been tired since then and to be honest it all seems like a blur. I can barely remember anything it kind of feels like a very long dream I'm dying to wake up from. Which in a way would make sense since my dreams seem to be more real than ever. I don't know, I swear I'm loosing it. I spend my days sleeping, if not that... then I'm in bed like I am now either on my laptop (which i try to avoid since it's an evil time-sucking device...), or I watch TV or something. I have become addicted to Grey's Anatomy... I never really watched it before and my mom has the first season so I watched it over the past couple days. And now I'm waiting for the second season to come from Netflix. There is just so much in my head right now, I'm worrying too much about everything, I feel like everything is out of control. I have so much schoolwork to do, and it's even some major assignments from first quarter and that ended on November 3rd. I had been far behind already in school before my second blood test decided to come back positive for mono, and before my doctor said I needed to stay out of school for at least two weeks, and before she said I couldn't be in Footloose after rehearsing pretty much 24/7 for two months...
They were amazing though and I miss them.
But going to see them that night I realized how sick I really am. I had only been there for about twenty minutes and I felt like I was going to pass out. And I was basically just standing there. I hate this so much.
My doctor said that I can go back to school on November 20th, which is Monday... but I'm still feeling like crap and I have practically none of my work done and there has to be more that they didn't give me. So I might end up going back to the doctor on Monday and staying out the rest of next week since it's Thanksgiving anyway. My mom's best friend is flying in from Florida on Tuesday I believe and she's staying here and I just found out that my aunt and cousins are flying in from Arizona on Thanksgiving which will make dinner later, and I'm supposed to go to my dad's side of the family in Mystic too. But I barely ever get to see my Aunt and Cousins from Arizona and my mom's best friend ( I call her my Aunt ) only comes for Thanksgving every year and I never see my second cousins, or my other two younger cousins... ahh. But I'm supposed to go to my dad's side of the family. I do get to see them on Christmas Eve I know that for a fact. But all holidays are tough for me still. I miss my dad so much.
Back to me stressing about school. Capstone. Oh my God. I'm supposed to have my whole project displayed at the Career fair on December 6th. What the heck. There's no way that's going to happen. But I need to, or I won't be able to graduate. See I could go on typing for hours with all of the stuff going through my head. I'm going insane I swear...
I just want my life back. I want to be healthy. I'm supposed to get a lot of sleep but that's pretty impossible at the moment. Junior year is probably the most important year and I don't even know if I'll pass. I'm that far behind.
I miss my friends. Some call, which is nice... others I talk to on AIM.
You want to know what I'm looking forward to the most once I feel better?
Going to the Providence Place Mall. And Taking Pictures. I'm dieing to get out and take some pictures. I mean I look outside and I feel like I've been locked up for a year... the leaves changed, and fell. I haven't been able to see the process... they just kinda morphed over night.
I also really need a new picture on myspace... my most recent is about 3 months old? hah. It's time for a change. I want to go back to school!
...Did I just type that? .::looks back::. Wow.
Anyway. I should probably try to get some sleep and I'm sure there are about ten things I forgot to mention in this gimungous post. Not that anyone's actaully going to read it. I feels good to get some of it out though. sigh. I'm tired.
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Nov. 12th, 2006 @ 03:01 pm (no subject)
Last night I finally was able to see Footloose :)
I got there around five with everyone and hung out before the show. I was wicked tired though. Anyway I ended up sitting in the front row for the show. Let me just say that everyone involved is amazing. You guys were incredible. I love how I went to the audition pretty much knowing no one and now I can call all of you my friends :)
I was still pretty bummed that I couldn't perform with everyone :/
So I was helping out the choir from the audience. ha.
But you pulled it off, amazingly. I'm so proud to be involved with this production. And I love the fact that I was still a part of it even though I am sick, and couldn't perform. That means a lot to me.

I took over 350 pictures of the show. I wanted to do something for everyone. and I did end up getting some pretty good pictures...

I have them all online so ask me for the link if you'd like to see them.
I'm also editing and making graphics out of some of them.
I tried to get at least one good picture of everyone, but it was very hard without a flash.

I love you guys. You have no idea. I'm going to miss this. I hope the Spring Play has a lot of the same people, and I hope I get into that one.
I miss you all already! Well I have been gone for a while, but it's sad that it's all over.

I'm pretty tired, and I'm home for at least another week so...
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Nov. 9th, 2006 @ 07:25 pm (no subject)
Footloose opening night. is now.
Aah. ugh. this is absolutely killing me. I want to be there so bad right now. I'm supposed to be up there with everyone. but no I had to go and get myself sick. good job. I mean I'm going on Saturday which I'm happy about, but all of these other people get to go see it. and I can't and I'm part of the freaking cast.
Well, I'm praying for all of you. You guys are amazing and I miss you so much! I hope someone is filming it, because I know that one time isn't going to be enough. How I hate mono. My God.

Ahh. I love you guys.
I am completely going insane.
I can't wait until the Spring Play. I hope something works out then.

I can't wait until Saturday, but this past week's felt like a month so it's going to seem like forever. I think I have a fever so I'm probably not making much sense.

sigh.
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Nov. 8th, 2006 @ 09:52 pm (no subject)
I need to get out. Tomorrow is opening night of Footloose and it's still killing me that I can't be in it. I wanted to try and go to every show. But it's not going to happen. Since I'm not in school I can't really be going at all. Plus I'm sick and I can get other people sick... or I guess I can catch other stuff easily. I just hate this whole thing. I wanted to at least go to opening night because I want to see it so bad and I've been looking forward to this night for a while, and I won't be able to be on stage. I just want to be there with everyone so bad. I miss everyone and I miss being a part of that. I feel like everythings been ripped away.
I just want to go see it. My mom says we're going on Saturday. Which I am happy that we're going, but I just really want to go tomorrow also.
I don't want to sound selfish - but this is so hard for me not to be in it.
after working on it for so long. I am rambling.

Other than that. like I sid I just really need to get out.
I need a social life again. I need to get back on track with school
I am such a mess.

haha.
:)
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Nov. 4th, 2006 @ 09:33 pm (no subject)
out of school for the next two weeks.
out of Footloose.
in bed 24/7.
mono is evil.
UGH! this sucks so much!!!!!
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Nov. 1st, 2006 @ 01:25 pm (no subject)
i basically hate who ever gave me mono.
the end.
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Oct. 29th, 2006 @ 04:28 pm (no subject)
the hunt was amazing. we were dressed as three bowling pins and a bowling ball... and we had the ball come and run to us and we fell over.
the actual hunt part of the night was insane! running around everywhere... i was afraid we weren't going to finish, but we did with only about 10 seconds left! I was hoping to place in the top five for costumes, but we didn't :/ it's okay though because we placed 14 out of 53 in the hunt.
I want to do it again next year, and maybe i'll be more prepared - because i was clueless as to what was going on. but still so much fun.
i looked like crap for the dance also. haha. but i still had a great time there. spent the last ten minutes on the phone dealing with some issues lol

went to work on sleather this morning. so freaking cold and windy
i left early because i have so much to do for school. but right now i'm exhausted so i'm going to take a short nap and get back to trying to pass first quarter...
then Footloose is in eleven days!!! rehearsal everyday til then so it's going to get even more hecktic, but i love it :)
Just can't wait to get a full night's sleep again

oh and i hate liars.
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Oct. 27th, 2006 @ 06:53 pm (no subject)
so i've been sick for the past couple of weeks. and it sucks, but I'm finally starting to feel better. but i'm still insanely busy with school and footloose everday. well tomorrow there's rehearsal from 10-3 or 4 or something like that, then the hunt starts at 5 and goes til 10:30 ish so that should be fun. then sleather all sunday... uhm yeah other than that I'm doing pretty okay at the moment
just stressed about school the end of the quarter is a week from today and i still have to hand in a major assignment for 5 of my 7 classes. ouch.
anyway i'd like to point out the two biggest events to happen in coventry recently that I can't go anywhere without hearing something about them...
first... The new WalMart Supercenter, which is amazing by the way... and getting our ID's and lanyards at school. They really aren't that bad. I mean it just hangs around your neck. I would suck though if you forgot it one day and you can't get into class. you go to school to learn, and they will prevent you from learning while you have to get identification to show someone who already knows who you are. whatever, I guess it's all for our saftey so let's just leave it at that.
woah. halloween is tuesday! that came fast...
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